This May Be The End

"MM54" (mm54mk2) 02/04/2019 at 18:30 • Filed to: CROWN VIC CONTENT!

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Today after work on this exceptionally nice day, I walked past the crown vic on the way to get the mail as I do every day. This time though, something felt different. I decided to start it and maybe take a quick trip around the block since it hadn’t been run since I got back from the Detroit Auto Show.

17 years (5.5 in my ownership) and 205,000 hard miles have run their course

Alas, crank, no start. Turned the key off and on, the fuel pump was not priming; I checked the valve on the fuel rail, no pressure. Jumped the relay, paperclip got hot. Still no pressure. I even banged on the tank with some 2x4, but the pump would not pump.

The extreme cold may have finally killed the unkillable crusty rusty trusty P71. Or it was well-timed for the “get home from Detroit” and took until now to find out.

While I don’t need it (the 4Runner is fine), I was planning on taking it to the airport for an upcoming work trip since it is great at being abused, including sitting in airport parking lots. Unfortunately, further troubleshooting will have to wait until warm weather returns (it got dark).

It’s got a full tank of gas (20gal), too.

Urambo Tauro > MM54 02/04/2019 at 18:53

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Guy at the local parts store has a 2003, IIRC he said that the pump can be changed without dropping the tank. Th at true?

shop-teacher > MM54 02/04/2019 at 19:03

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Awe man!

Boxer_4 > Urambo Tauro 02/04/2019 at 19:10

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I mean, technically, yes...

Chariotoflove > MM54 02/04/2019 at 19:13

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RIP. :(

wkiernan > MM54 02/04/2019 at 19:20

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Maybe it’ll work when the weather gets above freezing?

Future Heap Owner > MM54 02/04/2019 at 19:33

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Sad to hear it.

Is jumping the relay with a paperclip until it gets hot a diagnosing step to make sure it’s getting power? Neat trick.

BrianGriffin thinks “reliable” is just a state of mind > Urambo Tauro 02/04/2019 at 19:38

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Not really, no. 

BrianGriffin thinks “reliable” is just a state of mind > MM54 02/04/2019 at 19:39

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Fuel pumps always die when the tank is full. It’s a rule.  But it’s not like it’s a hard fix or expensive, once you pump out the gas.

Is it possible the fuel filter is frozen?

MM54 > Urambo Tauro 02/04/2019 at 19:48

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Technically it can, I know people who have done it (it sucks either way). That said, consider this: observe the state of the bodywork in terms of rust. Recall it has no rockers and is missing most of the pinch weld. Now imagine the underneath. Now imagine what the fuel pump attachment, right behind the axle, looks like.

MM54 > shop-teacher 02/04/2019 at 19:51

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I knew it was going to die some day (the car, not necessarily the fuel pump) after being so comically reliable for so long but it still is hitting me hard. When I get time I’ll give it all I can to get going, but I suspect the pump is done for, and that (plus pain-in-ass to replace) pretty much outvalues the car .

MM54 > wkiernan 02/04/2019 at 19:51

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It was 60 degrees today (weird).

MM54 > Future Heap Owner 02/04/2019 at 19:53

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If the paperclip jumper makes it work, the relay is bad or the relay coil circuit has failed . If the paperclip gets hot and sparks when you take it out (but the car still doesn’t get fuel pressure) , you know there is power making it through the circuit (i.e. it isn’t a bad ground, etc. ).

MM54 > BrianGriffin thinks “reliable” is just a state of mind 02/04/2019 at 19:54

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It’s been above freezing the past couple days, and was 60 today (which is really weird). I doubt there’s any ice in the fuel system.

In terms of hard/expensive, consider this: observe the state of the bodywork in terms of rust. Recall it has no rockers and is missing most of the pinch weld. Now imagine the underneath. Now imagine what the fuel pump attachment, right behind the axle, looks like.

shop-teacher > MM54 02/04/2019 at 19:55

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Its a shame if it won’t get to be rallycrossed.

boredalways > MM54 02/04/2019 at 19:56

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“It’s got a full tank of gas (20gal), too.”

For shits & giggles and before you leave for your trip, toss a half pack of cigs on the dash. When you come back, see if the car starts.

If it does, you can thank Jake & Elwood Blues.

Brickman > Urambo Tauro 02/04/2019 at 20:02

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And I thought it was under the rear seat like most sedans.

BrianGriffin thinks “reliable” is just a state of mind > MM54 02/04/2019 at 20:11

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Good point. The whole thing may crumble at the slightest twist of a wrench. 

MM54 > BrianGriffin thinks “reliable” is just a state of mind 02/04/2019 at 20:18

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Most likely. The gas tank has somewhat recently started leaking, too.

MM54 > shop-teacher 02/04/2019 at 20:20

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It’s a bummer. I wanted to do a giant smokey burnout before I got rid of it, too.

Nick- Professional Car Destroyer > MM54 02/04/2019 at 20:56

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So my old Crown vic had a really weird issue.

Take your key, and try it in both directions, it’s something to do with the immobilizer thing, for whatever reason it would only read the key in one direction, and If I put it in wrong it would crank for a decade before starting once I flipped the key.

MM54 > Nick- Professional Car Destroyer 02/04/2019 at 21:38

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That’s weird, not sure what sort of tech they used on those keys . With mine b eing a base police package (except heated mirrors and LSD) there are exactly zero anti-theft anythings in it (and even if there were, jumping the relay didn’t build fuel pressure so it wouldn’t have been that).

Urambo Tauro > MM54 02/04/2019 at 21:50

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Yeah. That’s not a hard thing to imagine here in Michigan, I’m afraid...

And judging by the video Boxer_4 linked, the best I could hope for is if by some chance you had a leaky pinion seal that might shed oil rearward to help protect the area. (Eh, probably not so much. I bet the rotation would be more forceful about slinging leakage outward rather than letting the underbody airflow carry it to the rear .)

MM54 > Urambo Tauro 02/04/2019 at 21:54

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The lousy access to the area means you can’t really fight with broken bolts, either. With the leaking tank, it ought to be replaced as a whole, but that’s another can of worms (though the straps were replaced about 4 years ago). I replaced the pinion seal about 5 years ago :)

Nick- Professional Car Destroyer > MM54 02/04/2019 at 22:24

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I didn’t read your whole post, I just saw crown vic and recalled the headaches mine was.

MM54 > Nick- Professional Car Destroyer 02/04/2019 at 22:42

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This one has been so good to me. 5 and a half years and this is the first time it’s ever cranked and not started. The only other time it wouldn’t start, turning the key yielded nothing, and banging on the wiring harness underhood would fix it. It stopped doing that a couple years ago as randomly as it began a month prior .

Nick- Professional Car Destroyer > MM54 02/04/2019 at 22:44

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Mine was solid some days and a headache others.

Like when the alternator died and I had to change it in an insane thunderstorm, or the multiple times it overheated and shut down for no reason, and never did it consistently.

I loved that car, but it was always a surprise when I took it for a drive. I don’t even remember what  I did with it, I could seriously still own it and forgot where I parked it.....

Boxer_4 > MM54 02/05/2019 at 10:00

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Get a giant vat of penetrating oil of your choice. Submerge Crown Vic in said vat. Either the bolts will come loose, or the entire car will dissolve; problem solved, I guess...